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F e a t u r e A r t i c l e
"AGGERVATED"
By RUSSELL L. FORD
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Now, you’d think that a man who has spent a quarter of his life in major Alabama penal institutions would be beyond surprise when it comes to human behavior. I certainly thought there was nothing else that could happen in prison to surprise me, but I was wrong. What I have learned is that not only are the effects of original sin alive and well, but so are the effects of situation ethics and fundamental option—two heresies evolved from secular humanistic psychobabble and brought to you by your local Charlie Curran wannabe. Before telling you about the experience Bubba and I had with another convict, I think it would be a good idea to explain what these two heresies are.
The fundamental option holds that a person’s relationship with God is not constituted by ordinary, free human acts, but by a total, fundamental choice. Thus, those who follow this heresy believe that a person commits a mortal sin only when he has the intention of rejecting God. In other words, it is okay to have sex outside of marriage because you are choosing to love your sexual partner while not rejecting God. (The first time Bubba heard the fundamental option he thought it was the degree to which sin would be imputed on the basis of which fundamentalist sect to which a Catholic defected.)
Situation ethics contends that moral decisions should not be based on universal moral laws, but on the specific situation in which a person finds himself. Since this situation is unique and unrepeatable, the person’s conscience alone is to determine the right moral decision, apart from any universal principle or law. The error in situation ethics is that it is incompatible with the fact that God gave us an objective moral norm via the Ten Commandments, and an interpreter of the Commandments through the Church. The Ten Commandments (nine of which are written on the hearts of all men) tell us there are some things which are intrinsically evil (or intrinsically good) apart from any circumstances. Man intuitively knows (contrasted with instinctively, which is a faculty of animals) it is wrong to steal, wrong to have sex outside of a valid marriage, wrong to lie, and wrong to take an innocent human life, despite the circumstances.
The reason I mention the fundamental option and situation ethics together is that their grayed peripheries blend together in the confused perceptions of malformed (or unformed) moderns, especially convicts. Although the theme of the following anecdote had nothing to do with situation ethics or the fundamental option, that they exist in practice is what served as the pad Bubba and I used to launch our Catholic rocket.
Bubba has served over forty years in prison—on the installment plan, as we say. He’s in for a few years, out for a few months. (If Bubba ever gets out this time [which seems unlikely], living his Catholic faith will keep him out.) Consequently, Bubba has lived in all eighteen of Alabama’s prisons, whereas I have resided in only three. Everywhere Bubba goes in the system, he knows a lot of the men pulling time.
Such was the case when Bubba and I were transferred to Draper Prison last spring. Draper is a camp intended mostly for first offenders, but Bubba homed in on all the "old" convicts who live here. The first person Bubba introduced me to was a man named Bo Strickland.
Bo is only four years older than I am (and that’s none of your business), but he and Bubba built several years together at another camp back in the late seventies. Bo is a short man with a short fuse. He is as cantankerous as Bubba, and country as corn (also like Bubba). Bo is a man with a malformed conscience, which is what brought him under the verbal guns of the Catholic Mafia, as Bubba and I sometimes are called. (I am occasionally referred to as the Godfather, but a few Catholic convicts are fond of saying: "The Archbishop is in Mobile, the Pope is in Rome, but we’ve got the Poop!").
BUBBA: Hey, Bucket! Looky here what Ah fount! Ah wants ya ta meet mah ol’ buddy Bo! Bo, this is Buckethead.
BUCKETHEAD: Good to meet you, Bo.
BO: Buckethead? What kinda name is Buckethaid? Whar’d ya git a han’le like that?
BUBBA: Whar’d he git it? Jus’ lookit that thang sittin’ on his neck!
BO: He ain’t got no neck! Ain’t nuthin’ thar but a big ball o’ flesh an’ hair!
BUBBA: Well?
BO: Oh. Yeah, Ah reckon Ah sees it now. Sorry.
BUCKETHEAD: (smiles and sighs) It’s okay, Bo. I’m used to it. Where are you from?
BO: Holman Prison.
BUCKETHEAD: No, I mean where do you call home?
BO: Oh, Ah was brung up in Slapout.
BUCKETHEAD: What’s that close to? I’ve never heard of Slapout.
BO: Nuthin’. An’ neither’s anybody else worth knowin’.
BUCKETHEAD: Well, how much time have you got?
BO: Jus’ fifteen years, this time.
BUBBA: Yeah, he got ’im a aggervated assault case.
BUCKETHEAD: Aggravated assault?
BO: Yeah, Ah got stuck wi’ a bad case. They couldn’ta convic’ed me o’ a aggravated assault, but they did. The judged axed me did Ah whup that feller wi’ mah baseball bat, an’ Ah tolt ’im Ah did. He ups an’ says he gonna convic’ me o’ aggervated assault. Ah went smooth off. Ah tolt the judge, Ah says, "Judge, Ah whupped the boy, but Ah weren’t aggervated when Ah did it. Ah was calmer ’an Ah am right now." An’ the judge says, "Well, whah’d ya hit ’im in the firs’ place?" An’ Ah says, "Cause the drunk idiot kep’ tryin’ ta take mah R. C. Cola an Moon Pie while Ah was playin’ the pinball machine. Ah tolt the boy ta leave me an’ mah fav’rit’ snack alone, er Ah was gonna whup ’im. He grabbed at ’em ag’in, soes Ah went ta mah truck an’ got mah bat an’ Ah whupped ’im." So the judge tolt me that was aggervated assault an’ he gimme five years.
BUCKETHEAD: I thought you said you had fifteen years.
BO: Ah do. When the judge kep’ insistin’ Ah was aggervated when Ah whupped that dude, Ah tolt ’im ta kiss somethin’ he prob’bly wouldn’ta wanted ta kiss. That’s when he upt it ta fi’teen.
BUBBA: (grinning) Whadya tell ’im ta kiss?
BUCKETHEAD: We don’t need to know that, Bubba.
BO: The south end o’ a north bound mule.
BUCKETHEAD: All that aside, Bo, don’t you realize aggravated assault is assaulting someone with a weapon? That’s why you were charged with aggravated assault. A baseball bat makes a pretty mean weapon.
BO: Ya mean the judge was right? Ah don’t gotta be aggervated ta git charged wi’ aggervated assault?
BUCKETHEAD: No. Being aggravated refers to the circumstances of the assault, not your state of mind.
BO: Well hot dang. Ah reckon Ah need ta have Mama call Cousin Eustus an’ ’poligize fer me.
BUCKETHEAD: Is Cousin Eustus the fellow you whupped, ah, whipped?
BO: Heck, new! Cousin Eustus is the judge!
BUCKETHEAD: (speaking low) Figures.
BO: Huh?
BUCKETHEAD: I started to ask, why did you beat the fellow with a bat? Isn’t that overkill?
BO: That’s a stupid question, Buckethaid. Cause he had it comin’, that’s whah! What would ya o’ dun?
BUCKETHEAD: I would have left the place where it happened, gotten away from him.
BO: That’s weak! He had it comin’, Ah tell ye!
BUCKETHEAD: Then you think it’s a right to beat up on people?
BO: Ah ain’t a bad guy, Bucket. The dude disrespected me, an’ he ’vaded mah space. It’s okay ta whup folks at times like that.
BUCKETHEAD: I guess that means it’s okay to crucify Jesus, then.
BO: Crucifyin’ JEE-zus? Wha’s that gotta do wi’ it?
BUCKETHEAD: Every time we commit a sin we are just as guilty of Jesus’ crucifixion as if we had driven the nails.
BO: Oh, Ah see whatcha mean, but Ah didn’t commit no sin. The boy deserved it!
BUCKETHEAD: Then you think the circumstances determine the morality of a situation?
BO: Shore! Don’t it?
BUCKETHEAD: No, it doesn’t. That’s contrary to Christian truth. Since you’re a Bama boy I assume you believe in Christianity, don’t you?
BO: Course Ah do! When Ah’m on the streets Ah insist on goin’ ta church five, six times a year! An’ jus’ ’cause a thang’s true fer ya don’t mean it gotta be true fer me.
BUBBA: Ya dun it now, son. Git ’im, Bucket!
BUCKETHEAD: Who taught you some foolishness like that?
BO: Ah learnt it in that thang they call a reality ther’py workshop. An’ it ain’t foolish!
BUCKETHEAD: Sure it is, Bo. Think about it. If a thing is true for you it must be true for me. If it’s not, then we have a contradiction. Truth can never contradict itself. Truth, by its very definition, is when the mind conforms to reality. Gravity proves my point.
BO: Huh? How in tarnation does gravity prove anythang?
BUCKETHEAD: Let’s say you are standing on top of a forty-story building. You shout, "I don’t believe in gravity!" Then you jump off. Your opinion that gravity doesn’t exist in no way alters gravity’s reality. Of course, your mind would conform to the reality of gravity about the time you reached the pavement. Likewise, your mind will conform to the reality that it’s wrong to beat on people when it’s your time to stand before Jesus to be judged.
BUBBA: Ya got ’im, Bucket! He he!
BO: Yeah? Well how d’y know hittin’ folks what deserve it is wrong?
BUCKETHEAD: I’ll leave the "deserving" part of it alone, for the time being. Instead, let’s concentrate on the "knowing" part. Are you familiar with the Ten Commandments and natural law?
BO: Ah knows the Commandments gooder ’n spit, but Ah ain’t never heert o’ that natural law thang."
BUCKETHEAD: Natural Law and the Ten Commandments are essentially the same thing. Paul talks about the law being engraved on all men’s hearts. He was referring to the natural law, telling us that what God’s finger wrote in stone he had already written on our hearts.
BO: The Ten Commandments don’t say nuthin’ ’bout whuppin’ folks.
BUCKETHEAD: No, but the fifth one says we can’t take innocent human life. "Thou shalt not kill" implies a heck of a lot more than just taking life.
BO: Says who?
BUCKETHEAD: The Church Christ founded.
BO: Which’n is that? Baptist?
BUBBA: It’s fixin’ ta get good now!
BO: Huh? Whad Ah say?
Bo most certainly has a major problem with his conscience, but we are working on changing that. My baseball bat wielding friend is one of my four new students. But, assuming what I read and hear from friends in correspondences is true, Bo is one of those people who has difficulty understanding that some acts are intrinsically wrong, which is one of the reasons I have related this story.
The other reason I submit this anecdote for your consideration is that you should be aware that virtually any subject in any conversation can lead to evangelistic dialogue. The committed Catholic who has a firm g.asp of Church teaching can lead any dialogue—from quantum physics to who is going to win the World Series—to an evangelistic dialogue. Sometimes, though, it requires courage to lead such a conversation. I told Bo, a man convicted of "aggervated" assault, that he was wrong in his thinking and risked eternal damnation, a risk to my physical well being. Still, Bo’s soul is no less important than any other man’s. Jesus went beyond risk for all men’s souls. He gave his all for us. If we are to obey Christ’s command to evangelize "all creatures," we must be prepared to do the same.
Russell L. Ford is an inmate in an Alabama prison, where he engages in apologetics work.
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